Dear Ladies: You Can’t Custom Order A Husband Like You Can A Starbucks Drink

Dear Ladies: You Can’t Custom Order A Husband Like You Can A Starbucks Drink


A Starbucks barista’s photo of a ridiculously complicated drink with 13 different special instructions went viral on Twitter Monday morning. Under the extra caramel drizzle, extra whipped cream, cinnamon dolce topping, and five pumps of banana (banana? five??), there’s no way you’re actually tasting the coffee. (Which, for Starbucks, isn’t much of a tragedy because the coffee is mediocre anyway).

On todays episode of why i wanna quit my job. pic.twitter.com/vKAtRKNRwe

— Josie (@ProjectJosiee) May 2, 2021

This customer’s tedious drink order reflects how many Americans approach much more than just coffee. If we just arrange the perfect recipe of good friends, an enjoyable job, a picture-perfect family, paid vacation, and the keys to a two-story suburban home, we think we can construct the magical Frappuccino of a happy life.

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Some of those are good goalposts to strive toward. But they can also feed a deadly gospel of self-gratification. For relationships and marriage, we can fall into thinking

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