A new poll shows Joe Biden would defeat Donald Trump if the election were held today in a science fiction horror movie where all the people have been taken over by space plants and have either become mindless zombie-like creatures or CNN viewers or both.
According to the poll from the Dogface Pony Soldier polling agency, 53 percent of voters are hoping either to vote for Biden on election day or be swept up to Heaven in the Rapture, whichever is less expensive.
Seventeen percent of voters want Biden elected because it’s just been such a depressing year and they could use a good laugh.
Twenty-two percent of voters want Biden to win because it’s about time senile people broke the glass ceiling that for so long has prevented them from sitting in the Oval Office drooling and muttering completely incomprehensible nonsense.
And nine percent want Biden to win because he cares about people like them who also don’t