A Letter to Our Friends in the South Who Complain About Feeling Cold

Howdy, Folks!

This letter is intended for y’all living down south, in places like Florida, Mississippi, Georgia, and Texas — apologies if I missed any of y’all — from your buddy living in central Wisconsin, who wants to chime in.

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I hear you complaining about your brutal winters, when the thermometer dips to a frosty 25ºF. Bless your hearts, as y’all might say.

You bundle up, wearing parkas for what we’d call a lovely spring day up here. I hate to share truth with y’all, but let me tell you: If you think that’s cold, you have another think coming.

I’m talking real cold, the kind that bites back, freezes your eyelashes, turning every chore into a survival test. Please