The following is satirical.
The two sides are making their closing arguments in the impeachment of Donald Trump for whatever the hell they’re accusing him of this time.
Acting for the prosecution, Congressman Adam Schiff told the Senate that if Trump were not removed from office, “he could offer Alaska to the Russians in exchange for support in the next election or decide to move to Mar-a-Lago permanently and leave Jared Kushner to run the country, delegating to him the decision whether they go to war.”
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Oh, Klavan you rambunctious, irrepressible dispenser of delight and hilarity, where do you come up with your zany satirical ideas? And how do you keep your skin so soft and beautiful?”
But no, the truth is: those are actually Adam Schiff’s exact words. He actually said if Trump wasn’t convicted, he might give Alaska to the Russians.
As Schiff’s words spread around the country, patriots