Like My Friend Franz Kafka, I’ve Got The Best COVID Rules For Joe Biden

Like My Friend Franz Kafka, I’ve Got The Best COVID Rules For Joe Biden


As the Greatest Living American Writer, I find it distressing that President-Elect Joe Biden has named Atul Gawande, a staff writer for The New Yorker, to his COVID-19 advisory council. But at least Gawande is also a medical doctor. There’s no excuse for Biden also naming Adam Gopnik, Masha Gessen, and George Saunders to the working group. And I have it on good advice that Jeffrey Toobin was also going to be on the committee, but they yanked him at the last minute.

In particular, I find it offensive that Biden didn’t ask me, especially since he was once the congressional intern for my great-great uncle, T. Gore Pickens Pollack III, who was a giant of the Senate.

I’m an excellent choice for this position. I advised Woodrow Wilson on both the Spanish Flu pandemic and on World War I, to great success, and provided valuable counsel to Lyndon B. Johnson on Hong Kong Flu and the Vietnam War.

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