Gov Who Might Become President Solely Due to Family Name and Hereditary Wealth Declares, Hilariously, ‘We Do Not Have Kings’

Thank ye heavens: Due to massive throngs of purple-haired octogenarians still holding a grudge over Kent State, Saturday’s “No Kings” day protests ensured that, for the 91,213th day since July 4, 1776, we had no kings. Phew. We made it, y’all.

Here I was, sweating away that Saturday was going to be the day it all ended. But no — thanks to a bunch of Jane Fonda types, including Hanoi Jane herself, we made sure that the streak would hit 91,214. Thank a Karen when you see one today, if she’s not too busy with the manager.

Obviously, there was plenty of fatuity to be had regarding the astroturfed “No Kings” protests if you wanted to look even mildly hard for it.

Organizers claimed millions of people across over 3,100 events, according to The Associated Press, although many on social media noted that how these numbers may have been achieved