From around the world today, we’re receiving reports of the rapid-fire spread of a virus that transforms human beings into brain-eating zombies. According to witnesses from every corner of the globe, infected zombies are rampaging through city and countryside, attacking and biting unsuspecting passersby. After a count of twelve seconds, the victim is himself transformed into a walking corpse that is starved for human brains and can only be stopped by a bullet to the head.
The President of the United States was on vacation in Delaware and could not be reached for comment but was said to be carefully monitoring the situation between enjoying the occasional pistachio ice cream cone and quiet walks along the beach with his doctor wife. But White House Spokeswoman Karine
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