The Democrats have re-elected Nancy Pelosi as House Speaker.
Discussing the move with reporters, one Democrat congressman who asked to remain anonymous while wearing a fake mustache in a dark room with all the reporters facing away from him with their eyes closed, explained the move, saying, “Now that we’ll be working with President Joe Biden we wanted a leader who speaks his language, namely incomprehensible rambling trailing off into bizarre non-sequiters followed by aggressive looks as if something meaningful has been said.”
Accepting the speaker’s gavel, Pelosi said, “This is a great day for whatever country we’re in. I was gratified to win this vote even though I couldn’t be present for it because I walked into a broom closet by mistake and was gossiping with a friend for two hours before I realized she was actually a mop.”
“I have to say, she was surprisingly intelligent for a cleaning implement and I’m hoping to enlist her in