When candidates for political office need a reboot, most campaigns turn to the consultant class. But during the 2024 presidential contest, former President Joe Biden ought to have excavated the archives of the Onion.
Last year, Biden’s image as a slumberous, easily dumbfounded senior citizen could only have been helped by the Onion‘s legendary fictitious stories asserting that he attended his vice presidential inauguration with his hair in a ponytail, that he washed his Trans Am in the White House driveway, and that he was no longer welcome at Dave & Buster’s. This version of Biden might have stood a chance against President Donald Trump.
To be clear, none of these things actually happened. However, during Biden’s reign as vice president, all of them were
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